Valentine’s Day is an Awkward

Valentine's Day: Remake the celebration of love

Valentine’s Day is an awkward, sensitive holiday whether or not you have a significant other and, perhaps especially, if you are single. To be “without love” on a day designed to celebrate it as loudly and publicly as possible can make even the most secure single person question their life.

But there’s more love to be had – and to give – than the kind that requires a romantic partner, and there can be more to Valentine’s Day than roses, chocolate, cheeseball cards and forced romantic gestures. Rather than reflecting on your singlehood or grumbling about the consumerism of the holiday, all of us can use a day dedicated to the celebration of love as a time for reflection on its importance in our lives.

The focus on romantic love on Valentine’s Day is, after all, ahistoric: it didn’t begin as a holiday for lovers but was born of the ancient Roman fertility festival Lupercalia, held from 13-15 February – and procreative (or gay/non-procreative) sex and love weren’t exactly fellow travelers in ancient Rome.

Still, the Christian church noticed the popularity of the mid-winter celebration, and then Christianized it, naming it after a man called St Valentine who was put to death for marrying people in secret in the church. (Claudius II had banned marriage for young Roman men, believing that single men made better soldiers and Christians were generally persecuted for their beliefs.) It was perhaps at this time that the idea of sex, marriage and love first became bedfellows – though it was still centuries before marrying for love and love alone became valued in western countries.

It’s a long way from fertility festival to the remembrance of a martyr to a celebration of romantic love to a holiday typified by gross consumerism and a sense of obligation to a significant other. But it doesn’t need to be that way.

Expressing love for someone else involves showing them that you care about them, that you listen and attend to their needs, and that you are sensitive and loving toward their feelings – as they are yours. So, do what you say and say what you mean but, as the adage goes, don’t forget that actions speak louder than words, especially when it comes to romance. According to a study on the science of flirting, in terms of attraction, 55% is shown through body language, 38% through tone and speed of one’s voice, and only 7% is through what the person actually says.

Those actions, however, don’t need to involve prix fixe dinners or expensive gifts. You can show your partner how you feel with a romantic hike, or breakfast in bed or even by cuddling endlessly with their sweet dog (or cat) that you think is lovely yet bizarre, much like their owner. Gifts are, at their core, a sacrifice of something you have to bring happiness to someone you love; there’s no reason that sacrifice has to break the bank.

If you are in a new relationship or just really sweating someone, don’t stress over the symbolism of the day. According to a study by researcher Ellen Berscheid on the psychology of love, new couples will often feel “that their relationship is closer and more special than anyone else’s”. Take extra advantage of this specialness on Valentine’s Day rather than fearing it – especially if you want to move on from the initial phases of lust and attraction to attachment, which involves more oxytocin (cuddle hormone) and vasopressin than the adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin of the earlier phases. You’re not going to spur the production of more oxytocin with a halfway decent five-star dinner out than a delicious one you make yourself.

And, if you’re not coupled up – or even if you are – think about who you love and who loves you more broadly than the Hallmark Store recommends. Buy a family member some flowers (they don’t have to be roses; consider daisies, for example) or leave a Valentine’s Day card for the little old lady and her dog who live next door. Cook a wonderful meal for your friends: there’s nothing like spending time in the kitchen, working out a new recipe that’s delicious and will warm the hearts and bellies of all your besties.

Or look in the mirror and try that radical “self-love” thing you keep reading about and that spurs your selfie-shooting habits. Buy yourself a massage, write a gratitude list, binge-watch that television show that you love, make yourself an amazing meal (or order take-out from your favorite restaurant) and light yourself a nice-smelling candle. Decide that being in solitude is quite all right and very different from being alone or lonely. It’s impossible to love someone else if you don’t first love yourself.

And if none of that works for you, just be OK with tuning out and completely ignore Valentine’s Day – I’m not talking about wearing all-black like it’s your funeral, or bemoaning your personal life and cursing all of your exes. I’m talking about true apathy. This is a made-up holiday that’s based on a Roman fertility festival that was appropriated by Christians and eventually become just another American celebration of consumerism exported to the rest of the world. Don’t give Valentine’s Day the time of day. Realize that the dopamine experienced through love is the same chemical as the dopamine that’s released through an addiction.

But however you chose to spend the day, realize that you are fundamentally capable of love, even if you’re not going to express it to someone else on Valentine’s Day. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone else – especially not on just another Sunday in February.

Valentine's Day Special: 21 foods tips that will boost your sex life

Now, that the gaudy red roses, cute teddy bears, boxes of chocolate and weekend getaways have casted their love spell on your lover, let's get your 'sweet' Valentine's Day spiced up. Bonbons and champagne may whip up thoughts of seduction, but for your body to respond to sex like a well-oiled, orgasm-primed machine, especially today, none of them does a hell of a lot. Many of us are looking forward to a romantic night in and creating the perfect meal, especially with aphrodisiacs, to get in the mood for some love. The word 'aphrodisiac' derives from the Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite. For centuries people have been searching for foods and magical potions to rev up sexual desire.

Who needs Viagra when these aphrodisiac foods are here:

1. Eat a balanced breakfast to avoid downtime in the boudoir. Your meal should include protein and fiber, such as yogurt with fresh berries or peanut butter on whole wheat toast. This combo takes longer to digest, so you'll have steady energy all morning. More energy means you won't be a moody grump when you get home from work, so you can enjoy time with your partner.

2. Keeping hydrated helps you stay mentally and physically alert all day and also helps you go the extra distance at night. According to a study published in the journal Perceptual and Motor Skills, mild dehydration will affect your mood, thinking and performance. So, keep sipping low-calorie beverages and snacking on foods with high water content throughout the day.

3. Flavour veggies with olive oil and munch on nuts for a good sexy time. Fats are necessary to produce the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, but be sure to eat healthy unsaturated fats, the kind found in olive oil, fatty fish, and walnuts. Also, include some fats that are high in omega-3 fatty acids, such as fatty fish and nuts. According to a review published in the French journal Biomedicine & Pharmacotherapy, omega-3 fatty acids may also help prevent premenstrual syndrome and postmenopausal hot flashes, the uncomfortable states that can definitely dampen your mojo.

4. Don't eat too much red meat and processed baked goods as unhealthy saturated and trans fats contribute to clogged arteries and lowered blood flow. And men won't be able to get erections as easily. A study, conducted at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, concluded that high levels of total cholesterol and a low level of high-density lipoprotein (HDL-aka good cholesterol) are risk factors for erectile dysfunction.

5. Eat chicken, fish and lean protein because when you don't have enough protein in your diet, the brain's level of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with feelings of happiness and romance, drops, leaving you not in a frolicking frame of mind.

6. Dine with wine to improve your performance in the bedroom. In 2009, an Italian research group published a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that showed a correlation of drinking wine -specifically red wine- increased the sexual appetite of women. But too much wine, beer, or liquor can backfire by depressing your central nervous system, making you sleepy and dampening your feelings of desire.

7. Nibbling on dark chocolates after dinner can really leave you woozy with pleasure and make you melt in his arms. In one German study in the journal Appetite, women were given an apple, a piece of chocolate or nothing and asked to rate their mood after consuming them. The researchers found that when women ate chocolate, they immediately experienced a mood boost that stayed for about 90 minutes. This cocoa confection contains a compound called methylxanthine, which triggers the release of dopamine in the body.

8. The South American fruit avocado, which derives its name from the Aztec language Nahuatl, in which it meant "testicle," a name chosen for the fruit's unusual shape, is rich in unsaturated fats, making them very heart-healthy. And a healthy heart can keep the blood flowing to all the right places.

9. Figs, which are bursting with calcium, iron, potassium, and more of that stimulating zinc, are also packed with fibre that boosts heart health and satisfies hunger without adding to your waistline.

10. If you feel your lovemaking mojo is being cramped, all you have to do is eat eggs- hard-boiled, scrambled, sunny-side up, down or sideways- anything you like. Being one of the most ancient fertility symbols, eggs are full of vitamin B6, which help your body balance hormone levels and cope with stress, and are also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction. You can also try other foods that are rich in B6 like spinach, carrots, peas, sunflower seeds, wheat germ or fish.

11. Research conducted by the American Chemical Society showed that oysters contain compounds that raise testosterone and oestrogen levels.

12. The nutrient citrulline, found in watermelons, can have a viagra-like effect on the body as it boosts nitric oxide which relaxes the blood vessels. The study reported in the January, 2011, edition of the prestigious medical journal, Urology, shows the enormous potential the nutrient.

13. The phytochemical-rich black raspberries enhance both libido and sexual endurance.

14. Ginseng tea contains the ginsenoside compound, which according to International Journal of Impotence Research, increases sexual satisfaction and can prevent erectile dysfunction.

15. Strawberries, which are pretty sexy-looking already, contain antioxidants and improve circulation, which up your chances of having a hot-blooded encounter. These are an excellent source of vitamin B, which has been linked to high sperm counts in men.

16. Beef and dark-meat poultry can help curb the body's production of prolactin, a hormone that at high levels can dampen your doing-it drive. Veggie lovers can get the same passion-pumping perks from brown rice, whole-grain bread, leafy green vegetables and crumbly cheeses like Cheshire or Lancashire.

17. While the pungent season garlic will spice up your sex life by dilating blood vessels and improving circulation throughout your nether region, the Eastern relish ginger revs your metabolism, which can get your whole body humming with renewed sexual energy.

18. You may want to start eating oranges because vitamin C ups your body's levels of oxytocin, a hormone that encourages you to bond in the most straightforward way we humans know - by cuddling.

19. This breakfast cereal might not look sexy, but research at the San Francisco Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality found that including oats in your diet improved men's libidos (an indicator of high testosterone) in just 8 weeks.

20. Swap sugar with honey to get some sugar poured on yourself. It contains boron, a mineral that can increase your body's levels of the libido-boosting hormone testosterone.

21. Lastly, according to the journal Physiology and Behavior, the couple that eats together, sleeps together. The act of cooking together can even be a form of foreplay, and the smell of food can ignite intimacy.

Never mind sex toys and lingerie. It's your diet that holds the key to a fulfilling sex life.