Valentine Day Amateur 2016 : Five Guys you don't want to be on the most romantic day of the year

Don't Be a Valentine's Day Amateur

Five guys you don't want to be on the most romantic day of the year—you can thank us later.

Ah, Valentine's Day. Is it a totally made-up holiday? Is it an opportunity to show the person you love how you feel? Is it a weird devil-day if you've just started seeing someone and you haven't had the talk yet? It is, miraculously, all of these things. The ideal Valentine's Day is one that's low-key and romantic, but isn't stressful or over-the-top. Yet there are so many traps for dudes to fall into that make the day a nightmare. These are the types of guys that you really need to not be this V-Day.

The Suddenly Anti-Establishment Guy

The most common cop-out of Valentine's Day activities is a well-worn monologue about how Valentine's Day is an invented day that doesn't really mean anything, man. "I love you every day, so I'm not going to give the capitalist blemishes Hallmark and Russell Stover what they want by celebrating this fake holiday!" We've all heard it before. And listen, if you're fighting the good fight every day against corporations that you believe are manipulating the American people, okay, sure. But if you're going to shit on Valentine's Day because it's a "made-up holiday," I've got some news for you. So is every other holiday. If you're super into Christmas and Halloween and your own birthday, but randomly reject V-Day, you're just being lazy or hiding from something.

The Proposal Guy

Don't be the guy who proposes on Valentine's Day. First off, it's basic as hell. It's obvious that you wanted it to be a special day but didn't have enough creativity to create your own special day, so you've pilfered the most stereotypical "romantic" day there is. Treat your lady better than that. Secondly, do you know how good your proposal's going to have to be for it not to be cheesy? If you're proposing on the "romance day" of the year, you're going to have to do better than a candlelit dinner. You're setting the bar too high for yourself! Did you know where you can propose on April 26? Anywhere. A freaking garbage dump, if that's what you and/or your partner are into. But the rules are different for Valentine's Day, and it's tough to deliver. Set yourself up for success. There are a whopping 366 days in 2016. Make the right choice.

The Break-Up Guy

Do not be the guy who breaks up with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day. What are you, a psychopath? That's some totally unnecessary, savage bullshit, dude. Whether we like it or not, we live in a world where her phone is going to be blowing up with Valentine's Day posts from friends (and too many acquaintances) celebrating their love. It's sickening even when you're in love; can you even imagine the damage it could cause if you were dumped earlier that day? It's a break-up with built-in insult to injury. It doesn't matter if it's a serious relationship or an undefined thing. Just wait one day.

The Unrealistic-Expectations Guy

Try not to be the guy with crazy high expectations for Valentine's Day. It's a nice day, but it's tough to get totally right, and if you were expecting all the stops to be pulled out, you're going to be disappointed when there's no boat ride or surprise trip to Europe or rose petals or mid-dinner bathroom blow job (hey, no judgment about what Valentine's Day means to you). Get zen about the day and don't measure the strength of your love by the events of the day. True love transcends V-Day.

The Sex-Gift Guy

Valentine's Day is a great excuse to get busy, but don't be the guy who gives a sexy gift unless you're positive it's something she wants. So many dudes are really getting a gift for themselves and it puts their ladies in the weird position of not wanting to reject a gift on a day of anti-rejection, but it's also like, edible underwear? Really? The true gift of sex is communication (dayum!) and if you've never before told her about your sex toy or lingerie fantasy and then spring that on her in gift form, you're ultimately doing the relationship a disservice.

Avoid these five traps and you're bound to have a decent-to-great Valentine's Day with your significant other. And that's all she can really ask for, right? A guy who won't shit the Valentine's Day bed. Now that's romance.